Saturday, February 4, 2012

From the "More dire need than any non-profit in history" file—UPDATED

Kristi Burton Brown of LiveAction did a comparison to eHarmony's “Seven Signs of a Desperate Dater” that's just too funny. 

1) Desperate Organizations are ALWAYS Available.  Uh, yeah.  Definitely too available.  I wrote earlier about Planned Parenthood’s new ad campaign which clearly speaks of desperation.  Planned Parenthood wants men and women to know that they are the “sexual fantasy,” “private area,” “quickie,” and “sexual partner” we’ve all been looking for.  Who wants an organization to be that available?
2) Desperate Organizations are Clingy.  Heard of Planned Parenthood’s “Women Are Watching” campaign?  Its slogan includes a huge, nasty eye right in the middle of “women.”  The issues they claim women are watching include support for Planned Parenthood (number one on their list, of course), Title X and state family planning programs, sex education and teen pregnancy prevention programs, support for new health care reform law, access to abortion care, and HPV and cervical cancer.  It appears very odd to me that Planned Parenthood’s women aren’t watching the One Child Policy in China, the widespread gendercide against women, or the onslaught of human trafficking—all issues that hurt women.  And please, whatever you’re watching, Planned Parenthood, I don’t need the image of your supposedly all-seeing eye clinging to my dreams.
Big Sister?  "Paging Mr. Orwell, Mr. George Orwell ..."

3) Desperate Organizations Need Constant Relationship Status Updates.  I’m not the only one who thinks that Planned Parenthood’s “Choice on Earth” Christmas card campaign went way too far.  Are they really that desperate to highlight the status of “choice,” that they need to mock a holiday in which Jesus, Who first came to Earth as an unborn child, was born?  Apparently so.
4) Desperate Organizations Fish for Compliments.  Guilty again.  On Planned Parenthood’s “Get Involved” section of their website, they ask for people to contribute stories.  But instead of just leaving it at that or giving a simple explanation, they ask:  “Are you among the one in five American women (or one of the countless men) who has been helped by Planned Parenthood at some point in your life?”  As if that’s not enough, they continue, “Fill out the form below to share your story about how Planned Parenthood has been there for you, your family, or your friends.”  Because of course, in the end, it’s all about Planned Parenthood.
5) Desperate Organizations Drop Their Friends.  It’s pretty clear what Planned Parenthood thinks of their friends when you look at how they’ve treated the Komen Foundation [For my latest take on the Komen debacle, click this link] .  Typically, grantees don’t spill the beans to the media or get all over grantors for choosing to end their funding.  But Planned Parenthood’s anything but typical.  They’d rather attempt to save face than keep a friend.  You can read more about the inside scoop here.
6) Desperate Organizations Drop Their Standards.  This one’s pretty self-explanatory when you combine their Choice on Earth campaign with their crude new ad campaign.
7) Desperate Organizations Rationalize Bad Treatment.  In this case, their treatment of other human beings.  However, this one’s not new to the track record of Planned Parenthood.  They harvest money by the boatloads from abortion.  Planned Parenthood is always, continually, constantly, never-endingly (yes, I just made up that word)—rationalizing their bad treatment of other human beings.
Yep, I’d say Planned Parenthood’s looking more desperate by the day.
 Of course, Kristi's got the usual crowd of haters, bullies and PB zombies posting steaming mounds of tolerance in the combox, so why don't you pop on over and show her some support?

Update: Later same day
Hey, enness ... Is this what you were thinking of?

Calm down, folks ... this is satire.