Saturday, July 20, 2013

Summer fashion nonsense

Just a couple of things I noticed just this last week:

I get ads from; about the only advantage to getting these ads is not having to scour the DFW metroplex for 10½ EEE shoes, which I promise you are harder to find than a restroom along I-25 in New Mexico. The picture on the left came in with their most recent mailing.

Forget that the model doesn't look that much like Jackie O (shouldn't we be over her by now?). Note the word I underlined: "Physician endorsed"? 

Okay, I can understand doctor recommendations for footwear, because I've seen women wear shoes that must be a podiatrist's nightmare — unless you're a ballerina, there's no earthly reason your foot should be nearly perpendicular to the ground for longer than it takes to grab something out of the cupboard. But Global Glamour Fashions sells "accessories", and I don't understand why a belt or a pair of gloves should require a doctor's sign-off. Are we gonna need prescriptions for jewelry next? Let me put it another way: where's the value-add?

But even more ridiculous is the sight that greeted me last weekend as my family and I were going through the parting rituals outside of the local Outback Steakhouse: a young, fairly big lummox bumbled out of the restaurant with brace of friends, wearing the T-shirt pictured right.

Seriously? Portnoy's Complaint has become Portnoy's Boast?

No, wait, really ... I get that the guy thought it was funny. That's the part that strikes me as most pathetic; that's what makes any wearer of this tee a clear contender in the categories of Lowest Self-Esteem and Least Likely to Bear/Beget Children. It's like a "tramp stamp" for slackers, a neon sign telling potential lovers, "Please find some excuse not to date me."

(BTW, the photo is of a woman's tee, though I suspect that women would be less likely to buy such a shirt for themselves ... or for any of their friends, for that matter.)

Maybe I'm looking at it wrong. Maybe I should just see it as another example of the self-cleansing property of the gene pool. After all, one way to avoid accidental reproduction is to wear clothes that will all but guarantee that you won't get laid. And while I admit that I really don't know how women think, I'm pretty sure most women would not see this statement as a challenge to their sexual skills. Ergo, more opportunities for Onanism, fewer opportunities for perpetuating one's chromosomes. The prophet Darwin (pbuh) hath foretold it.

That's all I have.